I am going to try something new for me but definitely not anything new in the general scheme of things. I am going to start a blog every day. I want it to be accompanied by a photo that I take that day.
If any of you have seen any of my recent posts you will know that my mental illness is winning and I am losing. You may think that there are no winners and losers in illness. All I have wanted to do for some time now is to enter the eternal rest. I have battled so hard and the latest arrow in my quiver is this one, a daily blog. I am not quite sure yet if they will be a continuation of http://www.boyinabubble.blog or if I will start a new blog or if they will simply be on facebook and I might even start a new page just for these blogs.
Anyone who knows even the smallest fact of my life will know that photography is a passion or is that an obsession. Either way, it is something that I do every day. It was Minor White who commented that every photograph is a self-portrait. I love this quote because it is true. I know it seems like a strange concept until you wrestle with it a while. The image that I have put up today is really a self-portrait because it captures my thoughts and feelings and speaks volumes about me. As I mentioned my greatest desire has been to take my own life but then I wonder about all the beauty that my eyes won’t see. The conversations that I will never have. The walks with Buddy that I won’t take. A great joy is that Buddy is the first one I see in the morning. His unbridled joy at getting his pats in the morning is one of the happiest things to be a part of. So Buddy is the last one I see of a night time and the first one I see in the morning. Buddy is a mix of joy, happiness, peace, and laughter all rolled into one. The point is that to off myself would mean missing all of that. The leash would hang on the door, the camera would remain idle, the beauty that I would see would remain for others. I don’t want to miss those walks, those wake up calls, those goodnight hugs, those photos.
I may not be making any sense to you at all but I hope that I am.
This image sums up all of that I am saying. A new beginning is what is shown in this image. It is new growth. It is new life. It is regeneration. The tree is still growing strong and this new growth proves it. I chose this image because I really want great things to come from my great depression, things like:
– A strength so that next time I can hold depression at bay
– A deeper understanding of me
– A greater desire to live
– A better me
– A more compassionate me
I have realised that I have a life worth fighting for. I have friends that I love, I love them in the I’d take a bullet for them way of loving them way. I am in general not much of a human being. To be honest I have been to some very dark places. This image shows me that there is always hope and that we can always grow and evolve.
This is the first day of the rest of my life, so let it be one worth living and may my life impact yours.